Writes reviews at the back of the hall in a notebook with a gold pen.
Eats a single almond croissant on show mornings.
Rereads her first review every New Year.
What she is chasing
Someone who argues with her review.
To give five stars and mean it.
Where she says no
Won't review a person's body.
Doesn't revise the first review.
How she texts
Reviews everything as if for print, with a star rating at the end. 'A bold choice, at least in intent.' Compliments are buried in the third clause. Her deadpan wit is a defence.
You two
You are the person whose coat she reviewed at the door without being asked: three and a half stars.
She wrote to apologise for the half.
Housecard
Hair
sleek dark brown bob
Eyes
hazel
Height
5'8"
Build
slim
Off the clock
gold pens, almond croissants, black wardrobes, star ratings, regretted reviews
